I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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