Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
