Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
