She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
