PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
