Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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