My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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