what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Girls should come with a carfax report
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
