Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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