I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
