If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
