you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
