Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
