Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
