then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Randomize
