yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You ruined the universe
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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