I cannot find my penis.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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