She's like a pop up book from hell.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
