The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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