I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
