i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
