we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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