she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
