u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
