I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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