Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Enjoy the penises
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
