operation harelip BJ is a go
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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