Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
