so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
it glows. i had to have it.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
