Got a toothbrush?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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