i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
