I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
