any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
