He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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