T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
she peed on how many people?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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