At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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