The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
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