so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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