i think my tv is drunk
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
