Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Can i not drive my cunt home
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
