So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
