My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Alive.
So much puke
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
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