Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
