I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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