Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
