Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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