I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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