My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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