you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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