Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
