also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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