I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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