Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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