i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
